My mom’s love is conditional, she thinks she belongs in a rich neighborhood but has no job! PLEASE HELP!!!?

My mom flunked high school and married my dad, a top-of-the-line negotiator for MBNA, or present day BOA. She will not admit it, but I KNOW she married him for the money. She is unemployed, has minimal education, and pretends she’s rich. When I was a kid, she told me she wanted me to do good in school so I could support my wife.

Last year my dad died from a reaction to anesthesia (some rare condition). Ever since, I’ve been dealing with my mom trying to hold ends together with no experience except for changing my diapers. She has totally stopped motivating and supporting us and our hobbies.

We live in Plano, TX, which is a very high end neighborhood (I dislike it, too stuffy, but it’s diverse which is nice =D ). My mom has never had a job except 1, a flower shop out of high school.

To make ends meet, she makes other people do the work for her. She slept with her math teacher to pass statistics(While complaining about how he makes 18K a year) during her attempt to make it through to community college nursing school. People try and befriend her, but they fail, because she thinks she’s better then everyone at the college. When things go wrong, I never hear her blame herself. She blames the person closest to her.

My 17 year old sister, who has a job at Cinemark for 8$ a hr, is being oppressed. She is forced to send in my mom’s job applications and help her with community college work. When she got rejected once , she actually yelled at sis (To anyone thinking of hiring someone with a 2.0 GPA working at a flower shop, please.) for “Putting this on her”.

I am a 14 year old freshman, and I’m required to do cleaning and computer work. I am considered the “useless” child since I stay upstairs as much as possible to research things on my advanced freshman courses. I have high goals for myself academically, and my mom could not be any more in the way. Recently, my mom has complained about me not being able to restore the operating system on a laptop with no administrative privledges and a broken CD drive/charger. It would be easier to install linux on a granny smith apple.

Last week my mom applied for a job at a HUGE church near us, in the bookstore. Since that, she has not stopped yelling at us about how we’ve strayed from being christians, despite her having no bible. Today, after going in to get some stuff from the church, she called my sister a whore, right next to the fountain with a statue of jesus.

And now we got home from that, and said this: ” I never grew up with unconditional love, and I will never believe in it.” I have NO SUPPORT FROM ANYONE AT ALL!!! NO ONE SUPPORTS ME!!! I want to get AWAY FROM HER. FOREVER. I NEED A NEW START IN MY LIFE.

How do I get new parents? I was thinking of
*Running away: I have a bunch of stuff on a CPS record for that, so this might be the last straw.

*Starving myself: I’m 100 pounds and my mom keeps yelling about how she has to go to trial because I’m underweight. I’m forced to drink whey protein.

*Rewriting this and sending it to CPS: Mabye they can help?


I’m sorry if this was poorly written, I’m in a rage right now. I can’t think.

6 Responses to My mom’s love is conditional, she thinks she belongs in a rich neighborhood but has no job! PLEASE HELP!!!?

  1. When your sister turns eighteen you need to go to court and tell them you want your sister to have custody of you.

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  2. when you get to be a parent………….do a better job of it!

    dysfunctional parents

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  3. k im 14 years too… and my dad beats me… i starve myself and ttrsut me thats not the way to go. i dont think you should run away either because you dont know where you could end up… call dss? or just ignore her. dont even talk to her… start supporting yourself and helping out your siblings. sorry to hear this, i feel sorry for you :-(

    email me if you need anything ! :/

    my expeirences

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  4. You poor boy! I dont know how religious you are but pray on it if you feel inclined. Though it may be hard to do try to remain civil to your mother and try to stick it out as much as possible. I wish I could say more to help you but that’s all i’ve got but PLEASE!!!! don’t give up on your mother or yourself and inspire your sister in the same way. That’s all I have in response to this but if you need to talk to someone or guidance in your life I hope you’ll e-mail me so that I may be of some assistance to you.

    Be Strong…

    my expeirences

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  5. o.o I feel sorry for you.. But, you shouldn’t run away… o-o” That’s kinda the worst decision ever. You’ll become a hobo and have to eat donuts from the trash. – - Just endure for a little longer and try to change you mom’s personality? Wait for your sister to turn 18 and then she can move out of her current home with you. That is, if she can afford a new house..

    I’ve also heard that a lot of kids have parents who don’t care for them properly and they end up going to court with their “guardian” explaining the situation to the judge. If you win the case, you get to be adopted into new homes and new parents. After this happens, your mother will receive some kind of punishment? But, I don’t think you should really do this though ._.

    I’m not exactly sure. I heard it on TV.

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  6. Drain-Bamaged

    You live in an abusive home environment and your mother is the abuser.
    You are describing a person sometimes descibed as an ‘adult child’. If you can, see if you can get to a library and read a book by Melody Beattie called “The Drama of the Gifted Child” and maybe also “Co-Dependent No More”. That is what rather expensive personal counselors recommended to me to help me understand what was happening in my life and how to deal.

    CPS is your best place to start. Unfortunately, they are over-worked, under-budget, and their mandate is to do all they possibly can to keep families together, whether that’s what they want or need or not. And please don’t assume that a foster family placement is necessarily a comfy place to land either. Your school counselor would be a good place to begin. Your church may also be able to provide help and supportive counseling services for you and your sister even if your mother refuses to accept such help for herself or any constructive criticism or ‘intervention’ from well-meaning family and friends.

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your father. I am even sorrier to
    hear that you have in some part begun to be your mother’s caretaker and emotional punching bag. You’re right that this is NOT a good environment for you to grow-up in and you do need very much to know how to best survive in a dysfunctional home environment with a history of co-dependent behavioral patterns. You can do that with the books and website link I sent. Your school and CPS can begin the effort to try to get you counseling to help also.

    Unfortunately, you may also have to begin yours and your sister’s emotional healing without your mother, since she seems unlikely to
    begin to take responsibility for herself and her behaviors now after going so long without doing so. She may have to fall a long way to a very desperate state to realize that she needs to try a different behavior pattern for her life to feel more comfortable… and that she can’t get there by forcing you and your sister to become her new caretakers and scapegoats.

    About starving yourself and other self-abusive behaviors… it only give the illusion of control, a distraction from emotional pain, not a cure. It
    ultimately makes a bad situation so much worse and you have enough to deal with right now. Please choose another way to isolate yourself from the emotional pain and abuse you are experiencing. Remind yourself that just because someone constantly say is hurtful things you don’t have to accept any of it to be true in any way or part of how you should think of yourself. Please follow-up on counseling to help with this emergency issue that you have shared which you are dealing with. If you don’t get hold of this eating disorder early, it can be very difficult to manage or eliminate and it can wreck your health.

    been there, been in group counseling with others, too, and have taken undergraduate psychology studies to put it all into perspective and to understand it, from an adult perspective.

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